R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
Randomize
