I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
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