Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
Randomize
