I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
