You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
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