I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
I supernannyed him into submission
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
Randomize
