In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
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