Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
Randomize
