This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
