So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
Randomize
