Somerville?? What the hell are you going to do there?
Watch a movie and have sloppy make outs OBVI. 45 Harris St. in case I die.
He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
Are we still banned from the library?
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
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