remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
Im part way to drunk.
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
Randomize
