Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
I have been thinking about it and I am really glad we decided to order helmets.
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
Randomize
