Define "chronic" masturbator.
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
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