Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
I need moral support for this bender
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
Liz is crying about burritos again.
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
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