Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
Randomize
