Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
Randomize
