you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
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