At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
Randomize
