mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Randomize
