the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
Randomize
