Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
So he says he needs "alone time" a day that he doesnt have to deal with anyone. should i be concerned?
I think in guy language thats " Im fucking someone else and dont want u catching me"
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
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