Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
You have to summon your inner elephant
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
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