Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
Randomize
