I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
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