I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
Randomize
