It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
Randomize
