Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
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