How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
Randomize
