Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
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