I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
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