I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
Randomize
