i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
Randomize
