evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
Randomize
