This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
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