It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
Randomize
