I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
Randomize
