no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
You ever have a fart follow you around?
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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