I was born with a shot glass in my hand
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
Its what im here for. Critiquing penis photos.
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Randomize
