We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
Randomize
