I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
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