8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
Randomize
