Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
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