I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
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