So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
Why dose there have to be another girl there for you to do this?
its hotter. Way hotter.
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
so let's talk penis.
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
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