Non-Jews are for practice
I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
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