I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
Randomize
