Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
Randomize
