I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
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