I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
Randomize
