So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
I use my feet as sexual weapons
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
Randomize
