I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Randomize
