So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
Randomize
