Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
Randomize
