I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
Randomize
