Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
Randomize
