So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
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