dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
Randomize
