xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
Randomize