Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
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