Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
of course. lets lasso hookers.
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
Randomize
