fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
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