He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
Randomize
