I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
got a scholarship and a hot psych teacher. hello spring 2010
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
Randomize
