All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
Her eyes are really red like she jus got out of the hospital and shes coughing ...80 ppl at her school do have swine flu dude
So your saying just a blow job?
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
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