I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
Randomize
