My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
God, you're like boner-b-gone
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
Randomize
