And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
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I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
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