She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
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