Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
he's single and there are thong briefs.
Randomize
