just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
Idk. We dropped acid and Kevin ran away again. We didn't find him for like 3 hours.
Man I wish I had been there
Yah we found him in the pool shed of some elderly couple. They were on the porch watching all of the shenanigans. ...To be young again.
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
Randomize
