just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
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