Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
Rumble strips road head = magical
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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