I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
Randomize
