thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
