why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
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