my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
Randomize