I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
That accounts for only three of the penises
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
Randomize
