I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
Randomize
