I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
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