I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
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