i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Randomize
